"Please welcome the newest member of the Yahoo workforce, Jennifer Lawrence."
No seriously, this is how the post on the Yahoo Movies website introduced their stop on the press junket tour which found “The Hunger Games” star conducting an awkward interview alongside “Catching Fire” director Frances Lawrence and Yahoo CEO Marissa Mayer. You haven’t lived until you’ve seen Mayer asking questions like “Jennifer, who was your teen crush?” or what was Hawaii like?, or “which dress was the worst to walk in: your Oscars dress or Katniss’s wedding dress?”
Mayer spent an hour asking the actress questions sent in from Tumblr’s fan base in this ill-conceived “Tumblr Ask Live” event. The questions, repeated verbatim, were downright cringeworthy at times.
"Hey Jennifer, are you aware of the fact that you are pretty much the QUEEN of Tumblr?," Mayer relayed on behalf of user thedarjeeling who went on to squee, “many blogs here are dedicated to your awesomeness.”
How on earth did such an even ever come about?
I have an idea.
Time: a couple of months earlier.
Interior: Mayer’s office.
Mayer sitting at her computer, examining spreadsheets.
A Yahoo editor walks in. Mayer looks up.
Did you hear? We’ve got J-La!
Jennifer Lawrence! You know, J-La. She’s agreed to do our live Tumblr Ask event.
Jennifer Lawrence. From “The Hunger Games?”
Editor, shifting on his feet, now uncomfortable.
It’s the new Twilight. She’s very popular.
You might know her from “Silver Linings Playbook.”
OK, I’ve heard of that, Mayer says. Great, carry on.
She returns to the spreadsheets.
Well…<coughs>. There’s one condition. She’s sort of the “queen of Tumblr,” and has agreed to only be interviewed by the queen of Yahoo. Which is, well, you.
Me? I’m a little busy right now trying to figure out how to grow Yahoo revenue, you know.
I know, of course. But you should see the pageviews she pulls. Wait, I’ve got a Google Doc.
(Mashes buttons on his phone.)
Mayer clicks a button on her computer. Reads the figures on the screen. Then sighs.
Fine. Where do I have to be?
I’ll send you an email!, shouts the editor, sailing out of the office. Don’t worry! All you have to do show up and read from notecards. Piece o’ cake.
DAY OF INTERVIEW
Intern, snapping photos sits next to Associate Movies editor, who has his elbows on knees, head in hands.
Editor: This is not going well. It’s like they are competing on who can be the most awkward.
Intern: Shhh. I’m trying to live GIF this thing.
Editor: Oh my god. Is Marrisa really talking about boy crushes?! We’re all going to be fired!
Intern: Do you think I should use a filter?
Editor: Why are you not worried about this? This is a nightmare!
Intern: Hey, I’m just an intern. I’m only doing this for college credit.
Editor: Well, we’re going to have to make this blow up on Tumblr even more now. Or our heads will roll.
Intern: It’s cool, man. I’ve got the thing about the haircut all GIF’d out. We’re so set.
Editor: OK. <sighs> Do some latergrams too.
Intern: Yep. I’m on it.
Editor: And remember to write your posts in Tumblr lingo.
Intern: Totally. <rolls eyes>
A few minutes later: Editor, looking over intern’s shoulder.
Intern typing: "#Latergrams from Jennifer Lawrence’s visit to Yahoo yesterday. We’re shipping hard, you guys."
Editor: Um. I don’t think you’re using that term correctly. Who exactly are you shipping? JLa and…the director? That would be kind of weird. Are you shipping Marissa and JLa? That’s uh, you shouldn’t post that.
Intern: Don’t worry about it. No one reads Tumblr.